10 Comments

  1. Nat

    Excellent article Rachel! Only wish we could get more people to acknowledge this.

    Reply

  2. Brilliant article! In my work I see victim blaming every day. Society’s attitudes empower perpetrators and encourage victims to self blame – which only adds to the abuse. Thanks for helping to raise awareness of this important issue.

    Reply

    • Thank you for your feedback, if we all keep raising awareness in any way we can it will make a difference.

      Reply
  3. Christine

    Well written article, you clearly have insight into domestic violence. I am a survivor of domestic violence and at the time many people could not understand why I did n’t walk after the first assault. The reasons are varied and complex and Police and other agencies involved with DV need to be aware.
    I was frightened to leave, terrified of how he would react, the perpetrators of violence usually are very manipulative and emotionally abusive, by the time that first punch was thrown I had no self esteem and believed that I was worthless and somehow I had some responsibility for his violence. Only someone who has experienced violence can understand the sheer terror and fear that disables any common sense that you possess. The Police, social services and all agencies involved need to be aware of this, they often are dismissive of victims, having no concept of the victims fear and the complete control the perpetrator has over the victim.This attitude is even more prevelent when the victim has left and returned having been tracked down by the abuser.
    This negative attitude further erodes any scrap of confidence that the victim has. Education on domestic violence needs to be addressed, it should be part of the curriculum. I was a working professional, the humiliation of going into work with yet more black eyes and bruises was traumatic, Nigella has not only had to deal with the abuse but the fcat that the whole world knows.

    Reply

    • Thank you for sharing your story. I agree that coming to terms with an abusive relationship in the public eye must be even harder. That said she does have financial independence which many woman are not fortunate to have. I’m glad that you got out and are hopefully in a better place. I think including DV and healthy relationships as part of the curriculum is essential. What else can we do to improve society ‘s understanding of DV so that victims are treated better?

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  4. Caroline Potts

    Great article x I am also a survivor and pround to be so. Maybe we should have a campaign of either ribbons or badges as DV Survivors which would (1) demonstrate how common DV is and (2) show women currently suffering DV how many of us have been in their situation and have got help to leave. LET’S GET “OUT OF THE CLOSET” ladies – any thought Rachel

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  5. Philipa

    Good article! May I add that its not just adult victims of DV that get blamed but when children are abused some people blame the parent that reported it rather than the guilty party. I’ve heard heartbreaking stories of mums blamed for rescuing their kids from wealthy homes in which they are quietly abused. Blamed and avoided for now being poor and wrecking the illusion of peoples lives. How very dare they?

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    • Thanks for your comments. Yes I totally agree. I have seen lots of cases where that happens to. It is important to ensure that the woman is supported to enable her to do what is right. I think that where there is a wealthy family there is almost a presumption that abuse will not occur which is totally wrong. The other side of it is that if women are blamed for the abuse perpetrated by their partners against the children. They are then charged with failure to protect. How often do we hear “she must have known what was going on” blaming the mother rather than the perpetrator for what happened?

      Reply

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